GIVING UP CONTROL
I don’t know about you, but my days are hectic. I’m not sure how this is possible since I work from home. My commute to work consists of walking from my bedroom, through my living room and into my office. That’s not anything to complain about when I think of all the people sitting on trains or in traffic for hours schlepping tote bags filled with iPads, high-heels and salads. So how is it possible that I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope over Niagara Falls? The only thing that stresses me out is trying to decide what to post on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.
Since I work alone, I no longer have the negative energy of a co-worker sitting next to me complaining about how her husband ignores her because his eyes and ears are focused only on the football game or how she doesn’t like her daughter’s new boyfriend.
So what’s stressing me out that makes me feel like I’m walking on a thin rope, and that if I don’t place one foot in front of the other I’m going to fall into a gushing waterfall?
Looking into this week’s Parsha, I found the answer. My stress has little to do with my job. I discovered my stress comes from my desire to control everyone that is out of control (and my inability to do so). I’m a control-aholic. I’m not your typical control freak. I don’t obsess over doing things perfectly nor do I make sure everything I touch is put back in its’ proper place, and I don’t even open the mail everyday (which is not a good thing). But I do know that almost every thought I have is spent thinking about how I can control all the people and situations in my life that feel so out of control. I obsess about all the changes I want to happen; all the people I want to change, and all the situations I want to change... but can’t. That’s why I’m so stressed out, totally exhausted, and why I wake up at 3:00 a.m. every night instead of 7:00 a.m.
Then I heard Rabbi Miller’s lesson on Parsha Shemot, and I realized I didn't need a therapist or a 12-step meeting for my control-aholism; Miriam is the answer to my sleepless nights and stressful days.
It was Miriam’s idea to put Moshe in the little boat they made for him and to let it go on the river. Miriam knew that Hashem was in control. She knew that it was time to let go. It was time to let Hashem do His work on His schedule; like clockwork in perfect timing putting everything in its exact place. She knew that Hashem would save the baby. She didn't know how, who, or what; she just knew it. She simply and truly believed it, in her heart and in her soul.
And it happened- Hashem showed up many times. Pharaoh's daughter finds the baby yet couldn't reach him,
As much as I try to think that I am in charge of how and when I want things to happen for myself and others, I have to think like Miriam- I have to let go and know that Hashem will be there, in perfect timing on His perfect schedule to create His perfect miracles.
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WARNING: This is not your Zeide's Mussar!